4:56 p.m. - June 30, 2003
The Twitch
I dont recall ever being as tired as I am right now. I am dead ass pooped. Fucking Exhausted. It was worth it but DAMN I am tired. And what reeeeeellly sux is when I am this tired not only do I transpose numbers (very bad at my job) but I think stuff in my head and will start laughing like a mental patient in my cube. I know I am losing my mind but damn it all to hell.
I came to the conclusion today that Sassy and I suffer from the "twitch". Okay before you go all nasty on me let me 'splain....ya see its like this and I will use ME as an example... I meet a puppy...nice enuf...good long-termability...and I get the "twitch". Where I do something really dumb..like pick him apart, call up a booty call puppy to snap me outta likin him, Do something obscure like get a tattoo or *ahem* DYE MY HAIR PINK to cause maybe a negative reaction and make them break it off before it starts. I start flipping because not only my space but my freedom are jeopardized by something that hasnt even happened yet. Why is it that I will not let myself want?? Now its just that, see, I like Blue ...ALOT...and for the first time for sure I think it is pretty mutual...and I have this YEN to go out with Sass and FLIRT like a loony. I dont get it. Maybe it is a way of protecting myself...ya know like a defense mechanism so I dont get hurt...but in the mean time I am not letting myself be happy....and DAMMIT I WANT A PUPPY!!!
Now with Sass its kinda the same thing...puppy likes her...she flips out becuz her space and time is being asked for. As much as she wants a puppy she too wont allow the nearness or to let herself into a situation that could compromise her already established semi-rut like routine.
So today when the "twitch" was called to my attention by Cyclops in her rather blatant manner (which I appreciate otherwise it wouldnt get thru). I did something I never done before. I asked for help. Cuz, see, its like this...I like Blue, like I said...and I wanna see what transpires with him...(praying like hell he doesnt "daniel" out on me***see foot note***)and Cyclops said she would smack the dogshit outta me if I did anything to fuck this up...in the mean time Sass is stopping for adult beverages and coming over to eat and have the "twitch" talk with me...should be good...we shall see...
On the subject of Blue...sent Uber-Fabulous emails to moi today...Called me when takin tiny tot to day care...called me on his lunch to tell me how wonderful I am...(A girl could get used to this)...On a funny note I have hickeys all over my neck...I look like a leper...Oh my am I in 7th grade again or WHAT?
Well gotta go defrost Yard Burd...
***FOOTNOTE***
To "daniel" out means to go wack-o and need therapy. To walk around in a HUGE state of denial and blame everyone for your insecurities as a male. It also mean to be without furniture, which is a HUGE issue if you have lived somewhere 6 or more months.
