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5:06 a.m. - July 16, 2003
Throwing in the towel? Its a Thought
Dammit all to hell. You THINK you finally got it all going on the right track and then SMACK...

Yesterday I broke. I did. I have had my game face on for the public for a year (since the wreck)but yesterday was the last straw and I broke.

FIRST...I over slept. Nothing abnormal about that but I didnt have time to get my lunch together. I get to work HUGE project. Then when I get back from lunch Cyclops calls with major drama on the home front of the Utility type. I hafa leave work, and come home and to add to all that somewhere in the hub bub I have lost my mother fuckin wallet...and it has ALL MY SHIT IN IT. So I go back to where I had lunch...nope...tore the car apart...nothing....some mother fucker found it, took the money and threw it away I am sure. Now here I am with no ID, no money, nothing. I have a trip next month. I lost it. All I wanted to do was pack up my shit and go home to Oklahoma. Ever since the wreck I have been trying to keep myself pulled together and keep up appearances. It was so bad yesterday that I just took a bunch of pain killers and drank myself into a stupor. I would not be suprised if my sister and I dont just pack it up and bring an 18 wheeler out here to get my stuff. Yesterday I was ready to throw in the towel.

Cyclops calmed me down with a nice game of NASCAR Monopoly. (which I must add I am losing terribly) And Sassy kept calling to check on me. I dont think she realized the level of misery I was at and unfortunately I snapped at her a couple of times. If I can make it thru the end of this month maybe I'll be okay. I am a bit calmer than I was before. I am in the process of taking care of some money stuff that can help. And if the fucking lawyer would get off his ass and help me with my case (the girl handling it is a bitch) that would be good. I just wanna find my wallet and I think I would be okay. People SUCK!

So I am gonna go into work early to make up the time I lost yesterday. I dont think I can have a worse day than I had yesterday.



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