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9:09 a.m. - October 18, 2003
The PTB...and my Decision
I think the PTB (powers that be) are testing me. Yesterday on the way home from the beach with Rica, Scuba called and had me talked into meeting him after I got done with seeing SJ.

I was wondering if SJ would just completely ignore me after seeing KISS but last night, even tho he was exhausted, he was so sweet. Walked me to my car and then...he called on his way home.

Rica says the thinks there is a "chemistry" there between us. I think so too...

So anyways, I came home from the beach, laid down and it felt like there was an anvil on my chest. I couldnt do it. I called Scuba and told him no I cant. Not last night, not tonight...and not next weekend. Even tho the time with Scuba would mean nothing I just cant. And I felt so much better about myself and all that after I made the call.

So today I am doing laundry and running errands and all that jazz..I think I am going to HB to see SJ tonight. He has started introducing me to all the band guys and they girlfriends and their friends. I really am happy when I am around him.

I didnt think it was at all possible.

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