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4:18 a.m. - October 24, 2003
Strange Questions
Damn yesterday was "Insecurity" day. I had the wierdest convo's with SJ and they took me to the place I dont like to be. I think that since I have had so many failed relationships that I am expectig this one to go in the crapper too. Its kinda a version of the "twitch" but with a different twist to it.

Outta no where he asked me some very direct questions...he said, and I quote:

You could date any man you want.

You could have any car you want.

You could live anywhere you want.

Why Me, Why Here, Why Now...

Now tell me what is up with that??? And then he proceeded to call me and tell me that he has alot of "friends" that come to Canyon Inn. Ya know I dont care as long as he doesnt just ditch me. All he hasta do is come by and say hello to me. I am not asking for a public makeout session.

I text messaged him and asked him if it was okay with him if I come out sat or no...never heard I text messaged him again apologizing for being a freak. He called, we are cool. He left me a message about how he couldnt talk earlier...blah,blah,blah..when we talked on the tele we didnt even go there.

Thank the gods for Jill. She told me she dated a guy that works at canyon and so saturday was gonna be wierd for her too. So I told her we should stick together. She agreed and said if things get stressful we would jet off to another bar. I think things will be fine.

My costume is coming together great but we still arent finished. Britt is supposed to come over today and maybe look at my "biker" clothes, I need to finish up the costume and I hafta go fix Jills hair tonight too...I am definately spread thin. I can prolly put Britt off til tomorrow. Jill? No way...hell if my hair turned Orange when I did my first dye attempt I would flip out too.

Havent seen Rica all week and barely talked to her...I think she is in a wierd place right now. But ya know I was there too once. Sex with people I knew wouldnt be in my life longer than it took me to get dressed and leave. Drinking alot. I remember what it was like being here and alone. Not alot of fun thats for sure. I am just glad I am thru it.

Well I have to get thru another day at the grind...I am so glad I changed offices...I hafta see the evil one and the one they call "mom" today at lunch, but what the hell ...I dont care its only an hour...

well off to clean land..

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