5:18 a.m. - December 09, 2003
I dont know what to do..I got a couple of other guys asking me out and I dont wanna go BUT I do ya know? I am sure I wont be into whats happening...But what if I blow them off and this goes nowhere kinda like the SJ deal. However I have seen him more in 2 weeks than I did SJ away from the clubs. And he drives all the way over here to see me even when he is tired...I dunno...Hanywhey...me likeys.
I am supposed to go meet with Britt and SJ tonight for a bit. HMMMM. SJ didnt mention it last night and I didnt talk to Britt. I am sure she and I will go but as for him I dunno. we shall see we shall see. I do know I wanna come home to see Reeky tho.
Before I take off for the day I wanna talk about my life defining moment. I have toyed with the idea of moving home. I do it alot. Ya know its kinda like choozin betwixt Mocha Almond Fudge and Mint Chocolate Chip...Both Good...But which is REALLY the best??? Well I made up my mind that I needed to make up my mind and do something in the next 45 days (that gets me thru the holidays and my birthday) OR commit myself to two more years here. Hanywhey...I am at House of Blues...I am on the dance floor dancin...sweaty...and I look around...there is Jill, britt, Carmen, Jen, Chantal, Sara, and Marta...I look up on the stage and there is SJ and Mark and James, smilin and jammin and lookin cool...and I realized that for the first time, without Jeff or any people I knew when I first got here, and even compared to then...I was having a BLAST. I was surrounded by cool new friends and this was REAL. Could I do this in Oklahoma? Maybe, maybe not. Why would I move home? My sister...My neice. Do I wanna? No! I wouldnt be doing it for me. I was so happy at that moment that all the BS wasnt even in my memory...I was actually doin it all on my own, for really the first time. I have a job, pay my own bills, great friends...WOW...so thats it I am STAYIN!!