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5:25 a.m. - February 03, 2004
A day without the Phone...
I took a day without my cell phone. Okay thats an over exaggeration...BUT..I didnt answer it all day. SJ is freaking but I am sure he will understand. I just needed some time to myself. I did talk to my sista and to Britt briefly. But no one else. Not that THAT many people call but I just wanted to jolt a few people into realizing that I may not always be there and that I do have a life. Selfish and immature? YEP! Do I care? NOPE! Seems I am not getting what I need from any relationship at this time. Maybe PMS? HUGE possibility. But still I dont wanna deal with the crap. I prolly shoulda talked to SJ but I didnt really wanna talk to ANYONE.

It dawned on me that very rarely does anyone ask me how I am, and really care or mean it. And that bugs me. I guess I needed to sort a few things out. And let the crab ass mood pass. I do wanna stay home and chill this weekend. And part of me says tell people sure i'll go then cancel at the last minute like they do me. I guess this last weekend flew all over me. I did decide I am not hanging out with people that suck the life out of me (in an energy-ish way). And I am not letting others dictate what I do. I wanna go to Rock bars I am goin and they can all kiss my ass.

I am seriously thinking about letting Fixx from singapore come to stay with me for a while. We get along so well and he is so cool. Thats a big step but what the fuck right? I mean nothing else exciting is happening. I met a couple of other guys online from outta state but I aint feeling it. And Fixx isnt looking for the quick hook up and jam..just a change of scenery. Just gotta check with the INS I guess.

Okay well I am gonna go wash away my mood. I think I need a man BAD. I am frusterated.



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