6:00 a.m. - March 30, 2004
Weekend was decent-ish...
Friday Big DAwg and Gina came over as did Jeff and I cooked out for all of us. That was cool except somewhere in the interim Gina decided she wasnt interested in Big Dawg and that made it a little odd...I honestly didnt think she would be interested in him in all reality. She needs a guy that she can control and he would fight her tooth and nail. He, like Jeff is a Scorpio but they are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Anyways Jeff and Gina ended up talking taxes and I hadta tell Gina to take Bobby home cuz he was bored.
Speaking of bored...Jeff was bored to death this weekend and cuz we were both broke we ended up getting on each others nerves hard core. Most of it hadta do with cash and how much we didnt have. I like staying home and chillin and watching TV...not his gig. The thing is I cant afford to go out every night, even tho I would like to. And he has other things he needs to focus on like getting his ex wife out and divorced and shit. There were other issues all weekend between he and I but nothing worth getting into really.
I care ALOT about Jeff...obviously or I woulda given him the boot when he dropped the bomb about the Skank Ho...but a person can only do so much...and I dont see any effort on his side to get rid of her or get his life straightened out as far as that goes...so how am I supposed to take it seriously? Is he having his cake and eating it too? Do they have some wierd arrangement? Is it okay for me to see other people while he is stil living with her? I mean where does the line in the sand get drawn and how long do I let this go on? I dunno...so I need to draw the line...I mean who is gonna look out for me if I dont? Am I setting myself up for a fall if i let myself get closer? Or do I stick it out? Past tells me that I need to let him get his life in order before he becomes an any bigger part of mine.
I think what I need is a face down in it night out with Gina. Maybe I am not made to be a girlfriend? Maybe I should look at how lucky I am to have a guy around like Jeff (issues or not). Maybe I need some "ME" time...Last night was so awesome just comin home and chillin out here just me and the roomies. I want a man that has some sorta life besides mine. Im fuckin confused and I dont wanna think about it. Im just gonna take some time this week to regroup. I am sure we will be just fine after the dust settles.
On a different note...My fuckin right ear is clogged up from my goddamed sinuses...wanna talk about maddening..I am hearing everything in mono and it sounds like I have a monitor in my head and I am really loud (louder than normal). THIS, my friends, Sux ass in a major way.
Okay well its off to enter my hell dimension...