5:15 a.m. - April 19, 2004
My Motivation level today is a big fuckin zero. I havent driven the micro machine since friday. Not that its a big deal I dont have anywhere to go really. I just hate imposing on people.
I never heard from Gina at all yesterday which means either she didnt make it back from Mexico...or she didnt feel like talking...or she was just tired and passed out. Either way I think she needs to figger it all out. I KNOW she will flake on me on sunday. Its inevitable. Even tho I have told her a milllion times how important that day is to me she doesnt fuckin care. And Stephen will do something or say something to make her not wanna go. Its fine and I am prepared to do it alone. And just to make it easier I think I may just go ahead and give her the out. It will make it easier all the way around and cheaper for me. Plus I dont need the extra stress. She stressed me out really bad on friday and she is beginning to cross the lines with some of the guys I have been meeting and it is bothering me. However I am not gonna let it get all up in my crawl...I think that I Am just gonna let it go and bring it up the next time I can. In the mean time I am gonna give Stephen his wish and let him have her...and if she needs an outlet she can come find me.
Yea sometimes being the single one sux...but only cuz I lose my friends to insecure men. I hate to say it but I used to really like Stephen...not so much anymore. He has "Jeff" qualities and that is sad.
Okay I am not gonna start this week off on a sad sack, bummed out mood. I am gonna try to work late to make up some hours and get my shit together. I got alot to do. I gotta impose on the roomies...to tote me back and forth to work at least til friday. SUXXXX. But then I should be okay. Fuckin Cop.
So Im gonna go in and do my deal and then come home and chill. Shouldnt be all bad. Might see if the Biter wants to swing by...he is prolly pissed at me but I dont care. Why is it people cant understand when I just wanna chill out??? Damn idiots think I just party 24/7??? I suppose.
well I gotta send some SPAM to all my friends...so I guess I am outta...Im gonna scan some pics in of me and the guys this afternoon,,,should be sun stuff...Stay tuned!