Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries

5:21 a.m. - September 08, 2004
Thank you and Goodbye
I cant sleep. Im not hungry. I feel like my guts have been ripped out slowly. Im going home.

I have given California 5 fun years. I have met people I love dearly. But no matter where I go or what I do something is pulling me back. And he left yesterday.

So I talked to my sis and my dad last night. Kelli and Randy are gonna come get me. I am gonna move to Oklahoma City before November 1st. Dad said he would help me with some money and Kelli said that she would put a deposit on a place for me. Taryn and Parker are there and I need to be close to those kids and if something happens to the grandmothers or to mom and dad I cant get home fast enough.

Then there is the Adrian factor. I am not moving back to marry him and live happily ever after. However, I am gonna be honest and say that a large part of this decision is based on being close to him. I figger I can go to Oklahoma and see him on the weekends he doesnt have Kamryn.

I still havent stopped crying. It was funny cuz Adrian told me that he had never seen me so happy. What he didnt realize was that I was happy cuz I was with him. I could live in a teepee in the artic and if he was there never think for a second about the cold. But when he isnt near me I am so lost. I dont know what it is or why...but I do know that there hasnt been a day that goes by over the last 12 years that I dont think about him. I compare every relationship to what he and I have/had.

So Thats it. I am done in California. I do love it here and have a blast, that much is true. And shit I can come back someday if I wanna. But right now is the time to make it happen. I gotta go.

I posted lyrics and a brief recap yesterday and some pro-fotos of adrian if ya care to go back and look....more party pics posted in the next day or so.



previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!