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4:37 a.m. - October 18, 2004
4 1/2 Days
4 1/2 days and my road trip begins. I have taken over a month and a half to say goodbye to those that mean so much to me here. Like I said I couldnt of done this in two weeks. This has been a hard decision but its good and the right thing.

Me, Denise, Mark, Suzi, Chirstine, Amie and Carrie all went to fountain bowl saturday night. I was shocked as hell when Andrea walked in to say hello then out of now where..Chris (Topher or CK) walked in. Man my heart wrenched. I do care so much about him. That was a shocker. He didnt stay but for maybe 1/2 an hour cuz he had stuff to do...but just the fact that he did shocked the hell outta me. Suzi gave me a shirt that says "I Love Rockstars" on it. Its cool. WE had a blast. I got tanked and my left leg is fucked up pretty bad BUT I had fun none the less.

Melissa is taking me to dinner tomorrow night. Mary may go I dunno.

I dont have alot of time and I have alot of packing still to do. I dont know when Michael is leaving but the sooner the better. He actually in a round about way accused me yesterday of stealing his mail. Lil fucker needs to get out of my house.

So last night during the Vikings game Sammy decides to ask me if I will have sex with him. UH NO. He knows better than that and I am shocked he asked. All those nights I wanted him then he and I decided to take our relationship to a friendship only level...He hadta be drinking. What a dork. Ricky was text messaging the shit outta me last night too. And then of course Pop Tart decided to berate me over text messages about how I didnt give him a chance with me. BLAH BLAH BLAH...

I hadnt heard from Adrian in a week or so. He called last night. I didnt answer. He needs to think about it. I had decided that I wasnt gonna persue him cuz I met a kinda cool guy online in OKC. I have also put THAT on hold as I think he might be a bit if a weasel. If I dont hear from that one by thursday he is written off too. Im not gonna get into THAT but I will say that I am not taking any crap. Alot of this may be me becoming guarded due to the fact that I am leaving and people are trying to get with me since I am 'safe'. My trust level is very very low. I think it may just be me protecting myself from any emotions that could take me to a place that I dont need to be right now. I wanna be able to drive away without tears.

So starts the week that will start me on a new path. And see what happens back in the midwest. Hell if it doesnt go well Ill comeback ..BUT like I siad when I came to California....The first Year is the hardest. Give it time and let life take me where I need to be...



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