8:08 a.m. - April 13, 2005
Dont Go Breakin My Heart
Im miserable...I havent broken down and cried yet but who knows....there was a lil tear or two but in the privacy of my room last night.
I went home and called Chris and he met me at Classics. He is a great guy to hang out with. However, as much as it would be nice, I am just not into him like he wants me to be. I coulda rounded him up last night but instead I opted not to. I just cant. Grudge fucking used to be my thing...not so much anymore. I guess I really do love Lucky or I prolly coulda.
Afterwards (about 7:30ish) I took off for food and ended up at Trix's . She is a great comfort and always so grounded. Its nice. I belly ached a bit and then went home to watch Sex & The City.
I did do alot of thinking last night and was really feeling a void when I went to bed. I cant help but wonder...is it because I really do love him or am I accostomed to a routine that includes him? I look back on old entries here and see a pattern. I am a creature of habit. Pathetic.
On another note I was reading diarys last night and came across GoingLoopy's and hafta say I was a bit disturbed by what I read. She was upset saturday and that I knew, but I wasnt informed of the severity or that it was cuz of me. Had I known that all of us riding together was a big deal (IF SOMEONE HAD MENTIONED IT) I woulda been okay with not driving the Z. I do love driving it tho...it is so...orgasmic.
Its gonna be nice to have a bit of a change of venue this weekend as Trix and I are going to Tulsa for Adrian and the Sickness (No not THAT Adrian...)It should be a good time.
Well I am feeling a bit better today even thno my heart is KILLING me. I am sure time will tell and there is also no telling what HE will have to say or if he even will call. Stay Tuned Kiddies...
