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9:13 a.m. - April 15, 2005
The Phlegminator
My job...I gotta rant.

***footnote....this is a very politically incorrect rant and I must add it is ONLY about ONE if you are sensitive then dont read this rant*****

Okay lemme bring you up to speed. When I got hired here I had no idea what the comany was...and certainly didnt know what the departmentI was to be working in did...but hey its cashola and I am in! Well I thought it had something to do with figuring out where too put natural gas pipelines or some such shit... I couldnt have been farther from right.

Okay I work for a division of the electric company. For Californians that would be like Edison...Texans..Texas Power and Light (or it was when I lived there) but you get the idea.

Now My Company...tho I am still not too sure...has something to do with Energy Resources and prices of gas and shit like that...but the part I work in is the department that makes Policies & Procedures.

Now that I have that aside, here are the players... Girl Boss, Asian spaz frenzy feeder, The token "guy" who aparantly never gets head from his wife and does not like jokes that mention fellatio, V, my best bud here.

There has been a few additions to our team since I came here. The quiet cool mommy type, My Bud an in disguise heavy metal thrasher chick and uber cool, and The Phlegminator. This is about The Phlegminator.

The Phlegminator is a BIG BIG BIG girl. Not that I have a problem with peoples sizes I dont...BUT when you dont give a fuck what you look like and start just being a nasty rolling blob I DO. Personally I think that at one time she was very thin. But she just had a kid about a year ago and I think that she has just let herself go...and grow. When she first started she would wear makeup and ATTEMPT to look okay. NOW...not so much...she rarely washes her hair and her clothes dont fit. I am awaiting the day she starts in with stretch waist pants. She has had to change chairs here 3 times cuz her ass either ate one of them or they cant hold her anymore. She constantly bitches cuz she is hot...My thought...drop 100 and see if you can cool off.

The first time The Phlegminator irritated me was when it snowed here. It was quiet and Boss was out and we were in "Guys" office watching the snow and she said (and I quote) "I want to go home and play in the snow with my wouldnt uinderstand because you arent a BREEDER" No Im NOT...I dont wanna be on welfare and have a fucked up illigitimate kid...but I can have children..I love men and I just have chosen not to go that route and become a HUGE mammoth of a woman like her...

Now The Phlegminator sits in a CUBE (I call the cage) across from my desk. And I hafta look at her. No one really likes her. Metal Chick is on the other side of the cage from The Phlegminator. Now The Phlegminator has this hacking phlegm problem (hence the name). It has been going on since november. Metal Chick and I are trying to decide how many more internal organs she hasta cough up before he body cant function and she keels over dead. It is the nastiest, most distracting thing ever...okay its just fuckin GROSS plain and simple.

In the time she has been here she has taken more sick days and been absent more than me in a yea with Wyndham and APW combined. She has a horrible attitude and is just sneaky to boot. I am sick of it. Fuck I dont know what to do....I dont know if we say something so someone and if so I dont know who....Boss did ask me to keep track of the days she was out and how many hours she has left for vacation and such. Im thinking if she cant handle it stay home and expand...

Today she came in wearing white. NOT A GOOD COLOR if your ass is as big as a volkswagon. And to add insult to injury the bitch has on BIG pantues...BUT they are Big bikini panties and panty lines to boot. Would someone please tell The Phlegminator to turn around and look in the mirror at her ass...oh wait she cant they dont make mirrors that big OR walls in houses to hold them.

Okay Im sorry...but my point it this..If you are miserable...please do soemthign to change...your size, life, environment, job, whatever...and for christs sake...if you cough up your wieght in phlegm please have the smarts to figger out somethening is wrong and go see a doctor...and know when people quit wanting to be around you it most likely isnt because THEY are ina bad mood.



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