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9:54 a.m. - May 31, 2005
Movies, Revelations And A Brandy Letter
Let me start by saying I saw The Longest Yard this weekend and it KICKS MOTHA FUCKIN ASS!!!

Allow me to say however if you have NEVER been fortunate enough to see the original you MUST!!!

After the movies me and the parentals went to dinner at Abuelos...where our waiter was UBER hot and gladly told me he had a GF but cheated on her...THANKS!!

I didnt do much of anything else tho..I stayed in and worked online on Ebay....I proceeded to get drunk ALONE and in that drunken state I bought these on Ebay...

Not good drinking and ebaying...well it satiates my need for pink boots now.

I went to the Mall saturday looking for new earrings and a new belt. I went into Hot Topic and had a revelation...

I went into the mall and all the people were wearing pastels and florescent colors...looked like everyone was covered in icing...I coulda puked. So when I went into Hot Topic and even tho I felt more comfy cuz it is all black inside and the music is cool..the kids that were working there made me NUTS! And then it came to me...I am too old for the 20 something crowd and too young for people my age...basically I am fucked..its like when I was young to drink and too old to hang out with the 16 yr olds...fucking age limbo...

So I went home and drank...and drank...and drank...not big but now I kinda have a clearer outlook.

Kinda made amends with Tulsa this weekend...not that it will go anywhere, cuz I dont know that I want it to, However it is better than fighting.

Speaking of fighting, Brandy took some time to call me this weekend. As if I wanna talk to her. She informed me in the brief moment that I let her talk that she was moving to New Mexico in 3 weeks. BFD! And she also informed me that she always thought of me as a great friend and wanted to kinda tie up loose ends before she split. I got her off the phone and told her it wasnt a good time for me. Then yesterday inthe drunken stupor I wrote her this letter....


I want to thank you for your call to me. I do agree that we had alot of fun times. However I dont feel like I can call you and talk. I have been on your love life rollercoaster for far longer than I needed to be. I thought when you came here you were going to work on getting your life together. But instead you ping ponged from man to man while I, your "friend" sat idly by and waited for you to get mad at one and want to go spend time with me. Then I find out that you tell people that I am 'hitting on the guys you dated' and calling me a 'jealous two faced bitch'.

Allow me to take a minute to set the record straight. First and foremost I dont do, nor want my friends REJECTS, especially yours. However I do not have a problem being friends with these people you threw away like trash before you moved on to your next 'host'. When and if things arise and I am asked about you I will not lie and I certainly have nothing to hide as my loyalty lies only for myself. For example when you tell Dave I was giving your number out when we went out and then he asks me I will not lie for you. I never gave your number to ANY GUY. I believe that I told you time and time again that your behavior bothered me and all you did was get angry. Its all documented in my diary for any of your ex's to read.

Secondly, I am so NOT JEALOUS of you. I am very comfortable in my skin and with who I am. Yes I do get lonely from time to time but that passes. I do not need a man to make me feel commlete and like I matter. I dont need someone to tell me I am pretty to know that I am. I pity you for the fact that you are totally incapable of being alone for any length of time. I know you want to get married and have kids but a realistic approach to that desire is much more apt to become reality than a desperate attempt to grab any guy of the moment that makes a decent check. Happiness isnt about what someone can give you but what you can accomplish together.

Yea I am not 100% happy here in OKC but I have found that I can have fun anywhere I am and am beginning to enjoy it. I have realized I have friends all over that I value and look forward to seeing, and that living here gives me the ability to do that. Lucky and I will be spending vacation together in July and he bought me a ring. We will see where that goes but neither of us are looking at anything that is unrealistic, in case you were wondering or wanting to throw that back at me. We have had the most candid discussions about what is goign on with me and him and there is no expectations of any type. And again NO he is not a distraction to keep me from meeting a man here. Above and beyond anything else he is my friend and that is the most important thing.

I miss seeing you and talking to you because we did have alot of fun together. But the drama that surrounds you is something I can not be around. I need to tell you that from the day you arrived here to the day you moved away, when we were together you made me feel old and stupid and like I was just there to make you more available. When we went out and you would totally ignore me to talk to guys made my heart hurt so much that I began to question whether or not you were the kind of person I wanted in my life. Since you moved in with the flavor of the month and not spoken to me the stress I felt and pressure to keep up with your dating standards has lifted. So no I didnt stop talking to you because I was jealous of the fact you were going into a relationship...I stopped because I knew that this one would be like all the others and I didnt want to be around for the fall out and to be your scape goat to go out with when you werent getting the attention you so desperately need from a guy.

I have a feeling you are either moving to New Mexico with this guy to get a 'new" start and see if you can like him more away from a place where he is not that cool, or Abi is moving you yet again because you need to get out of the mess you have gotten yourself into by moving in with a guy you really dont like anymore (and probably never did like him, you just liked the idea). I have a feeling it is the latter of the two because I know neither you nor your mom can pay to relocate you again. And if I know you like I think I do, this new man is on the outs and you arent happy again.

I really didnt start this letter to rag on you or put you down but you opened this by calling me. Again I am glad you called but I would prefer just to part ways and get on with our lives...then maybe one day when you make friends with who you really are and stop this man ping pong we can talk again. I hope nothing but the best for you where ever you end up. I hope you find the happiness you so desperately are seeking.

Best Wishes,

And thats that people.
SO thats that..and on that note I am going to go and figure out what to do about Lucky....



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