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12:02 p.m. - July 14, 2005
Fork in the Road
Chris came over last night. WE needed to talk. Tensions were high when he walked in. I had a few in me already and he sat down and we proceeded to talk.

In a nutshell it breaks down like this...He said he was testing me ...he is used to being used and said I come across really 'hard'. He needed to see my emotions. And that he did. I cried...ALOT. And that my friends is FUCKED UP. I usually dont cry unless it has to do with the death of a pet or Adrian. Bastard. Okay so I had a teensie bit of PMS + BOOZE and he was messing with my head and I had no control. I am ALWAYS in control. He apologized over and over and over again for what he put me thru. Luckily he wasnt hammered when he was saying that.

I thought all was okay when we went to bed but now I am discovering I have an issue with his cell phone and the text message obcession he has and this morning he was back to smart ass mode...HOWEVER...I gave him a good case of alcohol poisoning so he will feel like shit all day.

I dont know where it goes from here. I am not PMSy today so I am thinking alot straighter. I am not going to push anything. Just see what happens. I need to make sure I am okay and what I am involved in isnt detrimental. He told me this AM there was an 'US' and we are A-OK...lets see if he means it...Stay Tuned...

On the other channel there is the ever evolving drama of Lucky...

He gave me some 'woe is me' bullshit yesterday telling me he told Jacki he was in love woth me and she called me names and blah blah blah...and then...well here is a blurb from his email...
" I am going to fix my life... just not sure where I am going to be sleeping tonight........the beach is sounding good. my office is another option......can't stay at mom's cause she is sick and I am not going to bother her..... and it's really know who your friends are when shit like this happens.. I called a couple of my so called buddies and they just told me to go home and make nice nice... fuck that! But I have been through this sleeping in my car shit before...I can endure it again... things are going to get better....but first it's going to suck for a while..... "
Can we just say WOE IS ME???? Look I have heard this song and danced this dance before. And he is so net stupid he doesnt know I can see when he logs on to MySpace. OBVIOUSLY things arent THAT bad...fucker was online at 10:00 pm last night. My thought process is this...if he and Jacki were fighting and splitting up...HAHAHA...he wouldnt be playing on MySpace! Idiot. I guess he was trying all angles to get me to react...NOPE.

I was concerned about and told him he was 43 yrs old and he needed to be a man and REALLY face the music...he needs to go and make it right...then he lashed out with a "why are you so hellbent I get back with Jacki?" I didnt reply buit in my head I think..well cuz you wont end up in your car since you arent gonna end up with me.

I am supposed to go to a wine tasting tonight. I am if V wants to...If not...ill go home and do laundry. I can tell ya this much..I prolly wont be online!



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