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8:11 a.m. - August 09, 2005
I feel dead inside. I drove to work this morning and it was like I was driving in a bubble. I couldnt hear anything, smell anything and everything was a blur.

I fucked up last night by saying something I didnt mean to Chris. Again my mouth has gotten me in a place that I never wanted to be. I always said I would die with no regrets, however, This incident I will die regretting. If there was any possible way I could cast a spell and make time go backwards I would. Where is superman when you need him to make the world reverse?

I havent slept and I havent eaten. Im not even hungry. I wish I knew where my inner strength was. She has gone far far away. I never let someone effect me like this. I sat on the porch til late last night just trying to make sense of everything. And I couldnt. Its crazy, I have cried so much and I can be sitting here and all the sudden tears just start pouring out of my eyes. I cant control it.

I know it was fast and furious. I was over zealous and pushed way to hard. I screwed up the best thing to ever happen to me. For all its worth...I am deeply sorry for everything.

If you are out there Chris...I do Love you.



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