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7:18 a.m. - November 07, 2005
A Last Futile Attempt
First allow me to apologize for not writing as often as I should. I have been uber-distracted.

Thant being said...allow me to go into whats been going on.

Wednesdays has become 'girls night' and alot of us meet at the Hideaway for drinks and convo...Its cool. I can see me getting pretty tired of it pretty fast tho. I think part of it is that I miss HIM being with me.

Friday I was sick as hell with this stomach shit and barfing and acheing. I came home from work at 230 and practically died. Then HE started text messaging me and then called at midnight.

The conversation consisted of him going on and on again about how I treat him better than anyone ever has, blah blah blah the usual shit I have heard over and over. Then he told me he wants to try to work things out and I should TELL him when he is not behaving and so on and so forth.

Being the idiot I am I agreed to go to dinner and a movie on saturday for his birthday. I got up and went to work and came home to prep for our 'date'. I couldnet get ahold of him at all. So finally at 5pm I got in the truck and went to his house and beat on his door. No answer, his car was there but he was asleep. Well...I left his birthday card and took off...right when I hit the exit at his apartment he called.

I went back to get him and we went to hudsons and he was nothing short of a bore with a hangover. He didnt feel good, he had gotten in a fight at the Alley he said (yea he told me originally he had only gone to Hudsons) I asked him point blank about Lora and he told me they were friends but he gets a trill from the chase and that he cant stop being that way. Uh huh...I told him there would be a slight chance that I would talk to her too. While we were sitting there his text messages blew up again as usual. I realized this evening was gonna be alot of work and he was scared if we went out that Lora and possibly a few others he has 'flirted' with would be where we were and it wouldbe 'uncomfortable' for him and so instead of going out I ended up taking him home.

He told me to call after the first band and let him know what was up and he would comeout after he rested. I did and he aid he would comeout to Baker Street for drinks with Azura and I. An hour later I text messaged him and he was home watching TV.

I askED myself...

So Azura and I closed out the evening and I went home. But on the drive I called him to ask him why he would call me up and tell me all this crap and then act like a DICK. We ended up in a big fucking fight. And so I told him that I didnt wanna fight. I had come to take him out for his birthday since his loser friends wouldnt. He told me that he had loaned Manny 200.00 and spent 600.00 on he and Mike and Manny drinking. I couldnt help but wonder, why he was spending his money on his birthday. HMMMM. So I asked him, he couldnt answer. He told me he didnt want to put me in a situation where I had to support him and I told him if it was any OTHER day I wouldnt but this was his fucking Birthday...oh well fuck it I said.

When I got home I text messaged him and old him.."when you get over attitude and can be nice to the only person that gives 2 shits about you call me"

THAT hit home and he called to scream at me...I screamed back and realized I was totally wasting my time.

I just dont know why I have this inner faith that people change. He will never change. I can love him or hate him but Chris Johnson will always be a liar and a drunk and THAT will not change no matter what I do.

I am tryign really hard to be done with him...THIS is harder than the Jew....I do love him...I just am slowing falling out of being IN LOVE with him.

On a good note I go get my dog today!!!



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