11:02 a.m. - December 09, 2006
I NEEDED A REASON.....
When I lived in Dallas the one thing that kept me going thru good and bad times was the music I listened to (Faster Pussycat, Enuff Z Nuff, Lillian Axe, PBF, Priest...), the people that played it (Adrian and Jam Samwich, Ronnie Trent and Magic Box, Stacy and Steve in Mojo to name a few locals) and the passion that encompassed it.
I lived and breathed it for a long ass time and thru radio and school. I did all I could to help local musicians as best I could. I was broke for the most part but did everything within my power to get it out there and have it be heard. I had a few that I was involved with do really well and a few sank like a rock. None were better than the other, they were all different and they all brought into my life something that left a mark.
I would hit all the clubs and scheduled my life around the bands schedules I followed in the Dallas Observer. I think I still have a few of my day planners that have bands, times and locations all through out them from back then.
I left Dallas and moved to California. The music scene is alot different out there. I still did what I could to help and support music. The thing that makes LA different is that there is alot more opportunity for artists to get somewhere than in alot of cities in the US. So I listened and learned and remembered the things I would hear from people that had been around it for so long in a place that to me is a music mecca. I went to conventions like NAMM, I went to the AMA's and CMA's, made friends and developed relationships with people. This networking was something I learned from my business professor in college, who was also the owner of the legendary Basement in Dallas.
I left California after a 5 year stint to be closer to my family in Oklahoma. Here I am now. It has been a struggle to say the least. The people I met at first were horrible and rude. I found it was clickish and they werent accepting to a LA transplant with a drive to promote music. What made it even worse was there seemed to be an overwhelming amount of punk bands and the other type of music was being discounted and not recognized. Now dont get me wrong I love me some punk, and I totallly admire the men and women that play it. However I cant do it all the time. And when I would go out I would see a town thirsting for something that just wasnt available here.
I have made a few good friends and had some good times but something was missing and day in and day out I longed to be back in LA where I wasnt an outcast and I was welcomed anywhere I went with open arms. But even in all that I couldnt quite put my finger on why, even though I played it off, I wasnt truly happy deep down inside. Hell the first time I went to VZD's here I was told "go back to LA we dont want you here". Yep straight up. It has been an emotional rollercoaster and without the support of a handful of folks that have stuck by me from the get go I probably would either be "restrained" or have run back to my comfort zone. I got a bit railroaded when my folks found a house for me to buy. I am a commitment-phobe so this was not only a huge step for me but also a push to a major nervous breakdown. Here I am in a city that hates me, anchored by being a home owner, and not a good local band since Starcrash Speedway split up that I can go see and sing along with and relax.
Then I run into Metal Shop. If you know me you have either heard the story of how I met them or you were with me, so Ill save that long winded tale. But the small skinny of it is this; I have found the reason why I am here. These guys have passion and believe in something. And this is exactly what I needed. I havent felt this alive really since I was doing this booking and stuff in Dallas. I have met a group of guys that love the music, love performing and believe in it wholeheartedly. I was a wretch. I was snapping at people for no reason and I thought I needed to be on meds to fix the problem, when all I needed was a reason to smile.
I was sitting on the couch last night with Ryan and Chris from the Band, and Kalen tonight and thought to myself this:
We ALL need this. All 4 of us. Something to believe in. People we can rely on that we KNOW wont let us down. A distraction from the crap of day to day life. An eraser for bad past experiences. Something to look forward to. Something to make the days fly by. A GOOD reason not to sleep.
We all have one thing or another that has happened to make a bit of emotional turmoil. We know each others stories. We dont judge, we dont criticize. We dont turn our back on each other EVER. And we all have the same passion for the same thing.
I have a reason to smile and get up in the mornng. I may be exhausted from 1.5 hours of sleep a night but damn it is worth it. I feel like I am doing something right for once. I am truly happy.
So Ryan, Kalen and Chris...thank you for being you, musicians, artists, and having the passion to create the thing that I needed to believe in.....I dont wanna leave anymore.
I love you guys!
