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12:36 p.m. - April 17, 2008
An Extended Definition of Bullshit
Okay I am a procrastinator.
That being said it took me 4 years in California to get my drivers license changed over from Texas to Cali. I had a few run ins with with boys in blue in Dallas and usually had warrants so I wanted to make SURE that shit wasnt gonna bite me in the ass at the California DMV. Right? Right.

So, while I am driving in So-Cal with my Texas DL I get pulled over and get a speeding ticket. Well the idiot cop writes that I lived in Santa Ana Texas on my ticket, I lived in Santa Ana California at the time, and that I was in a fucking Altima....I dont drive an Altima, never have, never will. Anyway, me being the queen of 'dont give it a name it'll go away' I cram the ticket in the glove compartment and carry on.

Now listen people, in California, if you get pulled over with an out of state license and get a ticket here is what they neglect to tell you. The DPS assigns you a California Drivers Licenses number then suspends the bitch. NICE. You drive around not aware this has happened until......

You are cruising along, roll through a stop sign and get pulled over by CHiPs. Okay so here is how this went down. Old boy pulls my ass over and runs my tag, speaker on the mic says 'hold them there we have something on that driver'. Oh Crap I didnt pay the ticket Im goin to jail....AGAIN. FUCK.

I text my roomie and tell him to come get the Z just in case I do get hauled off. Im no stranger to cages so I am not freaked out except the next day is the Z Car Nationals and I gotta be there so protect the car at all costs is all I care about....Ill get out. You with me so far? Good.

So I am here with the PoPo and have a suspended drivers license that I never knew I had in the first place, so already we have:

1. Driving with a suspended license and [get this shit]
2. Unlicensed Driver

Ok then I cant find my insurance card cuz I had just cleaned out the Z to get ready for the show and all my papers were in the garage 2 BLOCKS AWAY!!!! So lets add:

3. No Proof of Insurance
4. No Proof of ownership

Then lets just top this of with:

5. Outstanding warrant for unpaid traffic violation
6. Current violation of blatant disregard for a traffic sign

Wow this is getting good....just wait.

Roomie shows up and is lingering around the corner and the cop tells me he is not only hauling me in but he is gonna impound my car and that it will cost more than the car is worth to get it out. AND if he ever sees me driving after I get out he will chase me down regardless. Guys a douche.

Right about that time some gang bangers roll thru the SAME stop sign and take a couple of shots off at the Douchebag cop. [I know right?] He had handed me this citation that is as long as I am tall and to my luck he jumps on his motorcycle and takes off after these guys and leaves me standing there holding my tickets and my keys. Roomie takes the keys jumps in the car I slide in shotgun and we haul ASS back to the house and lock that bitch in the garage. Over now? NO.

I call the courts and find out how much it is gonna cost to get this shit handled. 500+ bucks cash. I get the money go to the courts pay it, get my California drivers license done and I go on about my biz. Whew...Over NOW? NO.

I move here. Do I go get my drivers license? No. Why? See above. [would YOU go? Didnt think so] Anyway up until recently things are ok til the car insurance people say it will save me ALOT of money insuring the Vette with an in state license. FINE.

So today I decide to suck it up and go to the DMV and do this bullshit. Im still drunk from my Seek and Destroy antics last night but so what. I go to the place on MLK and those nice folks inform me I am in the wrong place and gotta drive all the way out to Air Depot. CRIKEY ...I knew this wasnt gonna be easy. So I drive out there and there is only the people that work there, no people waiting in line [YAY FOR ME!!]. I go right up there hand the dude my birth certificate and insurance and California License. Okay easy!!! NO. California has a 'HOLD' on my license. So the guy tells me to call the DMVV in California and have it taken off so I can get a new license issued here. Sounds easy right? Wrong. The DMV tells me I have a 'Failure to Appear' and I need to call the Superior Court of Orange County. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

So I call them and apparently the tickets and fines I paid in 2004 weren't enough to satiate the fucking Department of Public Safety in California. There is no fine amount attached to anything because I was supposed to see a judge and since I didnt go, well clearly Im fucked.

So here are my options:
A. Go to California and go to court
B. Hire a lawyer to go to California and go to court for me
C. Write a long letter to 'Your Honor' explaining everything and include my proof I got my California Drivers License and proof of car insurance from 2004 [hello how may I ask am I supposed to do THAT] and also show I paid my fines.

Im opting with C however, The insurance thing is gonna be tricky. The license thing is easy and I think if I show them I got the license then I had to have insurance right? [fingers crossed]. And luckily that long piece of paper with all my violations on it is around here somewhere. I kept it cuz it made me giggle.

I have until January 2009 to get this done. Until then I am as illegal as they come. Whatever.

So thats how my day started. I have been sitting here talking myself out of diving into a bottle and just saying fuck it and stay drunk.

Life's funny



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