12:20 p.m. - January 13, 2008
I knew I would write today.....
But I just didnt know what about.....til just now.
I dont even really know how to start so I am just gonna blurt and see where this all goes.
I hate fuckin idiotic men...that is a pretty general statement but if you read my previous blog you would know what I am talking about. It seems as if since I broke it off with the fat guy I have encountered nothing but morons. So here are a few helpful hints for guys out there...if you have done one or any of these please take time to reflect and adjust the way you act/treat women. The following is unacceptable:
1. If you have no intent other than to try to fuck a gal, just ask her if she will fuck you. Dont play this stupid game of flirting and calling and being all "Mr. Cool Guy" til she gives it up then be more than evasive when she calls you. You all act like we are putting you out if we call you after the fact. So yea I know that the chances of getting laid in this manner are less than the aforementioned however WE will actually appreciate you later for your directness no matter how appalled we seem at the moment. If you ask early enough in the evening you will probably get luckier as we will have time to drink and ponder it. And this will save YOU alot of money on meals and drinks later. Think about it.
2. Dont Lie. Just dont. Anything that starts with a lie usually ends in a lie. And you know you guys usually dont have the capacity to remember your lies. So that being said you will most likely get caught in a lie because we gals have enough memory for that kinda shit to put an elephant to shame. Just dont do it.
3. If you dont want it done to you then dont do it to us. This goes for everything. Dont fuck aound. If you do then we can. Oral sex counts. Yea "its just a blow job...it wasnt sex" is a load of crap. How would you feel if your woman said "hun he just went down on me, it wasnt anything more than that"? If you flirt, we proabably are too. Anal sex? Well there is a WHOLE different animal in the same catergory. If you think it is OK to ram it in our ass with no warning dont be suprised if you dont get a 2 finger action packed evening without permission. We love to share intimate moments with our men, and of course sweetie I wanna do the same thing to you and make you feel just like you make me feel. Now if it is prediscussed and not a sneak attack, well thats okay then...but seriously can I use a strap on with you?
4. Remember where the bathroom is. Coming home piss drunk and mistaking the closet for the bathroom is unacceptable. Its really break up time if you piss in our shoes. But if you do dont get mad if your woman takes a crap in your Ed Hardy shoes.
5. Drunk dialing. Not as cute as you think. Its funny sure when you are tore up. And I guess on some occations we might find it as endearing that you are thinking of us while you are out pulling on the beer goggles with the ball sack boys. But really, at 4am over and over...we wont get out of bed to come get you and dont care how many time Bob lit his farts. I am sure if it is worth telling you will remember when you take us out to dinner to make up for acting juvenile the night before. Hangover or not.
6. The "L" word. We take it seriously, well some of us do. You dont have to use it to get laid unless she is a wack-o. And if she is a wack-o I recommend NOT fucking her as you probably wont be able to shake her later. That being said...we are going to need to you not use that term unless you REALLY mean it.
7. Be brutally honest. Dont string gals along. It may hurt them to the core if you are brutally honest, they may cry, but they will get over it a hella lot faster than if you do it slowly. Then they wont call and cry and stalk you. Hopefully.
OKay thats all I got for now but ladies if you wanna add to this then by all means do so. And for the record I am not angry. I am actually horney and it isnt working in my favor at the moment.
Im out
