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7:40 a.m. - September 17, 2005
Alone Again...Naturally
Well I think last night was the icing on the cake.

Chris went and got his kiddo (who I love alot by the way) and ditched her to go to the bar. He left us there cuz he couldnt stand to go one fuckin night without going to Hudsons...okay what you want.

I grabbed Karmen and we went to Celebration Station to play mini golf. Chris called on our way there and he decided to go to Hudsons first..then meet up with us. Where after about 18 holes the excitement ran out for Karmen and his fuckin cell was goin off over and over. So I decided I would go and take Karmen home and he was ...yep you guessed it ...going to the bar.

I told him that was fine ..then he started getting guily feeling and was making a feeble attempt to be accomodating. I said to him..."Obviously you have someone waiting for you at the bar...go have your drinks and get it out of your system...dont worry about us"

Well that was the wrong thing to say and he yanked Karmen out of my car and proceeded to come to my house and get ALL his shit this time...ALL OF IT...and left.

So Im gonna let him go. He text messaged me and said he doesnt hate me he is just tired of it. Well I am too...things were going so well and he snapped again. I said it a million times if I have said it once....Im not doing it again.

I tried to apologize, I said I was sorry, we were supposed to go to the fair today...He said no he doesnt he can go be with Justina or who ever and just fade out of sight. My heart cant take it anymore...not knowing..not having a clue how he feels.

I am not calling him or emailing or texting. I am not gonna ignore ALL his calls but for now I need to figure this out. I seriously think I should be done with it. We havent had good sex in eons. He has so many hang ups. I did everything I could as a good girlfriend and still I failed.

Adrian is coming into town in a few weeks. I need to throw myself into my job and get my shit together.

So today will start a new day for me. And I will see what fate holds in store. It sucks that I lose my job and my man all in less than a week. And speaking of my job...well...The people 'friends' i worked with were told by HR that if they had any contact with me, well their jobs are already in jeopardy because they were my 'friends', but if they are caught they will be fired.

I think thats illegal isnt it? Oh well...fuck it...things happen in job, my friend, my man...can I have a good card now please?



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