7:41 p.m. - September 18, 2008
The CHAD talk....phase one
So last night I went out with Chad. I had decided a few days ago I needed to break it off with him because he isnt in the same place I am with the relationship soooooooo, I was gonna send him a "dear John" letter. I spoke with Adrian about how to handle it and he wold me that I should tell him to his face and so last night I did. The opportunity arose that I could speak my mind to him and tell him the following:
"I like him more than he likes me. I am at a point that when I spend time with him my heart is getting involved and I know he isnt at that point. So in order to keep from getting hurt or going to crazy town I think it is best if we quit seeing each other."
The fact is that I havent met anyone that I like this much in a very very long time. And I am trying to be proactive for myself and not let him ruin me even more than I am already messed up when it comes to relationships. He and I both have some of the same issues. We both have trust and commitment issues. The difference is that when it comes to that person I want to spend time with I can kinda set them aside. He cant. We basically want the same thing. The big difference is that I want to say I have a Boyfriend or that I am seeing someone and he ..... well he does not.
So we sat up forever after the bar and talked. We did a complete 360. Started at point A and came full circle. We are back to where we started with the exception that he knows it is unacceptable to tell me he will call and not do it. So it is a stalemate. I cant say I am upset about it. I really didnt wanna stop seeing him and the thought of losing him 100% kinda upset me. But I had to call this one like I did. At least he knows where I am and in all honesty I think he likes me more than he thinks...lol. We will see.
However on the flip side...well I am not gonna close my mind to dating if someone seems cool. The problem is that I meet so many douche bags that it makes me like him even more. Im fucked.
