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5:45 a.m. - July 15, 2003
Should I stay or Should I go?
Last night I slept a little better. I think one more night of decent sleep and I should be back to 100%. I HOPE. Man my ass has been draggin.

Sassy leaves today. I am kinda bummed. Not that I see her everyday but its good to know she is around. I think a change of scenery will do her good. And I am one to tell ya from experience that no matter where you live, if you go to St. Louis, you will so much more appreciate where you live. That place is a shit hole.

So on tonights agenda is laundry and nails and Law And Order marathon. I will get to spend some QC with Paco and Harley this week too. Not that I dont but I havent really been handling Paco like I should. So last night I made him get on my hand and sit still for about 10 minutes. I figger if I do that a little ever night he will be better faster. He is so cool. And to think, who knows what woulda come of him if I hadnt taken him out of Mexico. Who woulda known that the bird in the wire ball had such a great personality. I am so lucky. And as far as Harley..a little pill but he is Mamas baby.

I got correspondence from Blue yesterday. He asked how I did in the car show and I told him that I didnt go because I hurt my back. This is true I just didnt tell him HOW and I really dont think he needs to know. He asked me if I had blocked him on Yahoo and blah blah blah. I told him no but that I had been on line just for short periods of time recently (which is true). He told me he was sorry he came on so strong and that Pee Wee still talks about me. I told him straight up that he pushed for too much way to fast. And that I am at a point in my life where I do want a guy but baby steps to ween me off of the life I am used to (live fast, die young? Maybe?). I just enjoy every aspect of my life so much and I do wanna share it with a guy...but I am not gonna give it all up all at one time.

Talked to the Sista last night for a loooooong time. It was discussed again abou tme moving home. Pros and Cons there. This is the first time I have really been able to say I am all by myself and making it. Cut the work cord with Wyndham and the parentals arent right down the street. I could move back and move onto the land...have my horses...animals...BUT..parentals are right there and I would have no say so in my life. I love my fam but they sure do like to dictate whats good for me. I got it pretty damn good here. SO I figgered I would rethink this in 2005. Right now I wanna stay in CALI!

6 Am has arrived and I gotta stop and get something to take to work for lunch..UGH...I'll write more later...




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