5:03 a.m. - October 02, 2003
I ao supposed to go out tonight but I am thinking I need one more day to re-coup before I hit it. I am supposed to go to Def Leppard with Suz tomorrow night and to hear SJ play on sat. I need to be well.
So the Jew hooked me up with a room in SD for after the Kiss concert if we think we might need it. Kinda cool of him. He is being really really nice to me. I like that we can be friends. I guess I am totally over him and that feels good. Just for the record...heartbreak hurts like hell but doesnt kill you...it only makes you stronger.
I came home yesterday and went straight to bed so I dont have much to write. I did wanna make a note about one thing that happened on friday when me and everyone went to the Goat. One of the guys that works there came up to me and told me that Sassy told him that I hate her boyfriend, and that I dont have time for her anymore. Well I was freaked. Shit I havent even TALKED to her in weeks. If I remember correctly I have asked her to come out with me MANY times in emails to her and D and she is always busy with Candle Parties, and other friends. I dont recall her calling me and asking me to do anything recently. Yea I got a message from her on my answering machine one evening that she was in the neighborhood. Thats nice but why didnt she call my cell? I coulda been out back. No I do not hate her boyfriend. I just stepped aside to let her have more time with him. I know if I pressure her that she gets stressed and I dont like the repercussions of that stress. I am happy she is happy, if she is and that is all I really care about. I know that she has asked me to come hang out with her and this Nina person once for her birthday. Frankly the invite was so forced or so it seemed I felt like I was intruding if I did come. I have found so many new places to go and hang out. The last time I saw her was at Habana and I thought we had all this bullshit ironed out. I have asked her many times to come and hear SJ's band play almost every weekend. But she are too busy. I was just shocked to be out and get hit in the face with this. I love all the guys at the Goat..but if she has an issue with me then she needs to address me and dont air this stuff some place where I like to go also.
So I called her on the carpet about it and she said that she "fed the wrong info to them" and that she has no time for herself...THAT isnt my fault or problem. She also said she hasnt gone to hear the band cuz she didnt "do well" the last time she went with me. I think she woulda done fine if you know who hadnt gone with us and it had been a normal girls night. Oh well thats a dead horse I am not beating anymore. I just wanted to note all this crap for the record. I think we got things clear...but it will be strange to see if she and I ever hang out again. I kinda think things have gotten too wierd and that the way she deals with stress and pressure our next meeting could be very uncomfortable. Maybe the winds if change will make it right.
Well anyhoo...off to the shower and crap..and to work...til later...