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4:49 a.m. - February 11, 2004
Puttin the Brakes On
It all stops right now....Im not playing games...

I am mentally dead. Fixx and I got into a bit of a tiff last night when some chick popped up on my screen telling me he was not coming to the US but to austrailia instead. I was a bit confused and laid it all out for him. I have a hard enuf time with the men that are already here without importing a problem. After last night I was just too exhausted to think about it...SO...he said he was out the door to go to Malaysia to get his Visa handled and that when he gets back he would let me know what to do. I decided I am not gonna worry about it. He is prolly playing some stupid game (and I am not the only one). Fortunately I was able to catch him in it. Why am I so trusting? I dunno I get duped alot. So anyways here is what I bet and I am just putting this down to see how right on I am. He will return from Malaysia and some big 'hitch' will make it so he cant get here. I guess its better to find out that way huh? If he even comes back...I honestly dont think he will. I think I mighta been looking so hard for soemthing that I got all this bull in my head...what a dork.

I saw these lyrics...they seemed to fit Fixx pretty well...

I need some meaning I can memorize.

The kind I have always seems to slip my mind.

But you, but you...

You write such pretty words, But life's no storybook.

In the mean time im gonna go out this weekend and partay. I think D and I are going out both nights. I may even be able to be talked out of going to Silkys. Who knows. I may just do NOTHING.

Britt called last night to tell me her lease isnt actually up til April 30th. DAMN GOOD NEWS. Well esp since I already rented the room. I didnt tell her that, I didnt deem it necessary.

Its cold in here.

So now I just found myself sitting here with this mental patient stare at the 'puter screen. I hate men and the gams they play. I seriously was alot (I cant say happier here cuz I dont know if it is true) more content(?) when I was playing it loose and just fucking around. Am thinking I need that again possibly.



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